This is my 1st fan fic so don't complain...

Info: Blood Saiyans
They are like Saiyans but different.

Here is some basic info about Blood Saiyans:
1) Instead of food they eat or drink blood (Why do you think they got the name Blood Saiyans?)

2) They don't have tails

3) Red hair instead of black

-Introduction-

PLANET VEGETA

King Vegeta:
These Blood Saiyans are destroying us.

Nappa:
What do you mean? We agreed that they would take blood from the animals so they can stay on this planet.

King Vegeta:
It seems that they have found a way to take powers just by taking a little bt of blood. So now they are after us, and our powers.

Prince Vegeta:
Why don't we just destroy them father?

King Vegeta:
We've tried that before and it didn't work.

Prince Vegeta:
That's because they sent a wimp to do a Saiyans job.

King Vegeta:
Don't you know who they sent? They sent the Super Saiyan!

Prince Vegeta:
You mean that's how the Super Saiyan died? By getting surrounded by a bunch of Vampires called Saiyans?

King Vegeta:
Unless we had the power to destroy an army, the Blood Saiyans are going to take over this planet.

Bardock comes in the room

Bardock:
I don't mean to intrude, but the Blood Saiyans are here.

King Vegeta:
What do they want?

Bardock:
Just to destroy all Saiyans and take over the planet, that's all.

King Vegeta:
We won't give up without a fight! But how to beat them...

Prince Vegeta:
Father, I'm going to teach you a move you might like...

A sphere comes out of Prince Vegeta's hand while Prince Vegeta's teeth go sharper

King Vegeta:
That's my boy!

Prince Vegeta throws the sphere threw the roof and into the sky

All the normal Saiyans are getting weak from the battle and look at the sphere. The normal Saiyans then transform and destroy all the Blood Saiyans, except one... One of the Blood Saiyans knew Prince Vegeta's trick and retreated, watching all the Blood Saiyans die before him.

Blood Saiyan:
As long as I have this, I will get my revenge.

The Blood Saiyan reveals a ball with drops of blood in it

Blood Saiyan:
When I get the blood I need, It will be time for me to reveal the true power of a Blood Saiyan.

To be continued...

Well, nice go at being spencive. But it could have been worse.
It need description.
LOTS OF DESCRIPTION.
Also, this style of writing doesn't fit action very well, you may want to try a more rastertanist style as to make things easier for the reader, and to better portray action and fighting.
Because it's obvious there is going to be lots of that coming up.
(sorry, i'm not much of a fan of fanfics. But I will help you make this one good if you're willing to re-write it a few times.)

yeah i agree, it needs a lot more description. and the conversational form right now isnt really that good..
btw waht does rastertanist mean?

Well it's like this:
"BAM! the gree glowing org was kicked half way across the room as the monkey neared the small baby."

....
That example sucked.
But basicly it's just a form of writing that's like a writen comic book.
You know how comic books are drawn really well and with high detail, well that's how this writing style is. It includes LOTS of details and has many words such as "BAM", "ZOOM", "SWAP", "ETC." I think that any good action story needs to be written as such.
(I'm pretty sure I spelled it wrong, I just kinda sounded it out, and whenever I try to sound something out it turns into a huge crime against humanity....)

I finished the Fan Fic on another Forum, so I'll just show you the Link to the whole thing. Go here to see whole thing.