Titled: Doorbell
Why: Because i can.

Jack was a rather extraordinary person. He had been seen on the news many a times before. Some say he has a guardian angel, others say he is lucky. Jack just doesn’t care. You see Jack had escaped from certain death many times. He had been shot before, twice. He had gotten hit by a bus. He was in a car accident. All times he was mortally wounded. Yet one time or the next something amazing would happen. An ambulance would just happen to be nearby. He got shot in padded places, which barely pierced his skin. He was cushioned by a soccer ball when he got run over. Some times it seemed like him being saved was and impossibility! Nonetheless he was alive and breathing. Then one night something very peculiar happened.

A television flashed inside of a house. A man, about 6’5”, with a ragged face, and a slim figure was resting in a recliner and laughing to some DVDs of his favorite TV series. All of a sudden a ring came from the door. “Who the hell can that be at this time of night?” He got up from his chair with a grunt and started towards the door. As he was walking the doorbell rang twice. Then paused, and then rang three times.

“I’m coming!” yelled the man. It took him a few more seconds to get to the door. He opened it and there stood a figure, mysteriously dressed, with a bandage covering most of his face.

The man saw no movement in this strange persons face but heard a voice say “Do you go by the name of Jack Aarons?”

The man replied, “Yea, what’s it to ya?” The figure said no more. He started slowly moving onto Jack, who backed away step by step. Nervous, Jack yelled “What are you doing? Who are you? Leave my house!” The man did not stop moving. He kept moving oh so slowly towards Jack. Terrified, Jack fumbled in his drawer next to the door, and pulled out a knife. He always kept one there in case of situations like these. He pulled out and held it tightly in his hands screaming “Get out! I don’t want to hurt you!”. The figure kept coming.

Terrified and confused, jack plunged the knife straight into the man’s stomach. The man flinched for a moment, but then continued onward. Out of desperation, Jack tackled the man, who fell outside, and tripped down the small set of stairs that led out of Jack’s House. Jack was breathing heavily and was relieved, for the figure stopped moving. Then somehow, it stood up again. Jack made the conclusion that it wasn’t human, and slammed the door shut.

Warily, Jack went towards his bedroom, put on some clothes and started shuffling towards the back door. He heard the doorbell ringing. First one time, then twice, and then rapidly it continued until it just became nonstop. Jack finally reached the door to the backyard, and with a face as pale as the moon, he turned around to look at the door. The ringing had stopped. Some color went back into Jack’s face. He opened the back door. There it was. The thing with a bandaged face, and where the knife had been just remained a bloody gash.

Jack turned and run, screaming all the way. The thing was walking at the same slow pace, toward where he was going. Nothing came to Jacks mind. He had lost all thought some time ago. Now he was just hearing the words ‘Escape, Escape, Escape’. He was running, fully dressed but still in slippers. One of his slippers fell off, and tiny pieces of gravel scraped his feet. He didn’t care. He just wanted to run. Get away, from this crazy thing. He didn’t even know what it wanted. He sensed it was cruel though. He ran and ran and ran. He got to downtown already, for he only lived some 5 blocks away.

He entered a convenience store panting. Sitting down near the cooler, he fished around for a drink. He inspected his pockets for some money and found a crumpled up dollar and a quarter. Just enough for some nice cool water. He didn’t know why he was stopping. Instinct just told him to do so. He didn’t even remember why he was running in the first place. He bought the water and walked out from the store, taking in its sweet, crisp contents. Then he remembered. Jack saw the thing in one of the street lamps. Walking, slowly towards him, with that scarlet gash, and the bandaged face. Jack started running yet again.

He ran down many blocks until the thing was out of sight. He decided to lose it by going to the rooftop of any old apartment building. Cliche as it was he knew things in real life never turned out as the movies. He went inside of a building with no locked door, and started up the stairs. He walked around 7 flights when he reached the top. There were rusty railings cracking tiles. He look from the rooftop and so nobody on the streets. With a sigh of relief, he turned around, only to see the thing coming towards him… Slowly, and creepily.

Then it came to him. He finally knew who it was. It was death, coming to take him for all the times he had barely slipped away. Though he now had this knowledge, it did not help his fears. It came toward him slowly, and shuffled. It was probably a mere five feet away now. As it inched closer and closer it finally stopped. It reached out a hand as if to touch him. And at that moment, his sanity had left him. He turned around smiling, and slipped under the rails, and the just walked straight into the air. He fell down, and in a matter of seconds had been on the ground, lying in a bloody pool. He awoke, with no pain at all, thinking that he finally made it to hell or heaven or wherever it was he was.

Then, as everything came into perspective, he saw the apartment building. He realized that he wasn’t able to get up. He saw blood pooling around him. His leg was disfigured and his arm was bending the wrong way. Then, the thing came from the apartment building. Except now, there was no bandage. Just a white empty spot, where there should be a face. The specter came towards Jack. It got quite close before stopping. And then it reached out. Its white fingers, which had no fingernails, but where just little sticks with no wrinkles inched toward him.

Jack had waken up in his recliner chair. A Seinfeld episode was playing on the TV. Jack could hear the whirring of his DVD player. He relaxed and continued watching. Then, he heard the doorbell ring… Once, twice, three times…

I know its crappy, it is my first time, and do your worst because i would like to continue writing and constructive critisicm would be cool.

Well.
It needs work.
The diologe was a little scattered, and It needs a bit more thought put into the basic organization and vocabulary of the overall piece.
But otherwise it could be a nice start.
All it needs now is time and effort. : D
(i'm not saying it's bad, i'm just giveing consructive critizism.)

Yeah, it's got some grammatical errors and it could use some organization. But I really like the idea you've got going there. Suspenseful, and whatnot. Interesting concept.

The one area that is especially shaky is when he stops to get a drink. I would try rewriting that and finding a different reason for him to stop. Maybe he thought he lost the thing, or maybe he sees someone he knows. I dunno.

Actually, I think you should just re-write the whole thing a couple times.
That might really help.

Usually whenever I "right" something I rewrite it a good 30 times before I like it.

Cool thanks. Considering this IS the first thing i ever wrote, id expect more critisicm.. Alright ill fix the grammatical stuff, how hard can it be.. (Complete failure at english)


Yea, i did sorta wanna get done with it. The funny thing is i created the idea for the whole thing while eating chinese food cuz i made a bet with a friend i can make a story off the top of my head. Now ill be back.. *Goes back to Word*

You should try referencing my work.
Read PARALLELAPHY if you would and see what you think of it.