Title: Inuyasha History p 2
Description: Part 2
DragonBallXCleader - December 15, 2004 02:06 AM (GMT)
Inyuasha leaped across the hills to find the last booming noise when we last stopped. Inyuasha wantd to really know who the Demon was who had the red eyes and challenge him/her or it to a fight and win. Inyuasha is kinda like a hero and dosent want him to shed anyome blood than the red eyed demon has already done. As Inyuasha leaped to the booming noise, there was a big hole in the ground. He could see someone digging in it so he jumped in there to see what was going on. Than it was the red eyed demon next the red eyed demon says somthing to Inyuasha. Red Eyed Demon- Who the heck are you kid and you better wtach out hahahaha. The Red Eyed demon had a very deep voice but theres no way Inyuasha was going to back down from the challenge. Inyuasha- Hmmm You freakin dirty bastard, after you shed blood to a human trying to protect demon world wich humans have found it about it and only some of the mightyest humans could pass in order to go to Demon World. Inyuasha- I really dont like you so now dont make me kick your butt all around in this hole with my sword and I shall demolish you. Red Eyed Demon- Lets go kid and face my minions to get to me. There were vampire like minions the the red eyed demon has called upon with there big teeth they all jumped on Inyuasha. Inyuasha took out his sword and cut one of theres head off. Inyuasha ment business when you mess with him. Inyuasha leaped up and cut all of them in half like if they were nothing. Red Eyed Demon- Well have you checked agian, my minions are not dead and I have raised them to be very tough. Then the dmons reformed back together and started laughing in an annoying voice. REd Eyed Demon- The more times you kill them the stronger they get so thank you. Inyuasha- What The Hell!!!!
Thanks guys part 3 will be coming out soon so dont miss it and rate it becasue I have gotten better from last time. :haha:
Liminality - December 16, 2004 07:24 AM (GMT)
hmmm, yep better than last time, but set paragraphs, and everytime someone speaks, put it on a new line so its easier to read :)
Len're - December 16, 2004 07:35 AM (GMT)
| QUOTE (Liminality @ Dec 16 2004, 06:24 PM) |
| hmmm, yep better than last time, but set paragraphs, and everytime someone speaks, put it on a new line so its easier to read :) |
tahts what i said!! <_< and try it when characters speak put tehm in speechmarks (") :lol: :lol:
DragonBallXCleader - December 16, 2004 09:12 PM (GMT)
| QUOTE (Lenne @ Dec 16 2004, 05:35 PM) |
| QUOTE (Liminality @ Dec 16 2004, 06:24 PM) | | hmmm, yep better than last time, but set paragraphs, and everytime someone speaks, put it on a new line so its easier to read :) |
tahts what i said!! <_< and try it when characters speak put tehm in speechmarks (") :lol: :lol:
|
Dont worry, im trying my best.
gunfire_x21 - December 19, 2004 01:59 AM (GMT)
u should put a waring label on it like ex pg-13
Coconaught - December 21, 2004 07:45 AM (GMT)
they are pretty good, but you are still using thier names to much instead of Inuyasha over and over again try he or something. I'm pretty sure you've read a lot of books so you know what ahould be in a book. Just try and copy it. Another thing listen to Lim and Lenne and use the different paragraphs.
DragonBallXCleader - December 22, 2004 08:22 PM (GMT)
| QUOTE (Coconaught @ Dec 21 2004, 05:45 PM) |
| they are pretty good, but you are still using thier names to much instead of Inuyasha over and over again try he or something. I'm pretty sure you've read a lot of books so you know what ahould be in a book. Just try and copy it. Another thing listen to Lim and Lenne and use the different paragraphs. |
Thanx for the tips and at my house I am planning for part 3 next maybe today or tommorow.